Please Leave Them Alone

Last week I talked about a number of upcoming movies based on comics that have the potential to be good. But now, I want to discuss a different, much more important, subject. Comics that should never be movies.

There are some experiences that just wouldn’t translate from one medium to the other, and I personally don’t want to see some of the greatest comics ever ruined with terrible film adaptations.

So, without further ado, here are the top three comics that should never, under any circumstances, be touched by Hollywood.

3. The Walking Dead

There is actually some potential for a great film, or films, to come out of Tony Moore’s zombie epic, but it would most likely be a failure for two main reasons.

First, there are already enough zombie movies. Even if The Walking Dead came out and was fantastic, the majority of people would just see it as another zombie movie that doesn’t have either George A. Romero or the number 28 in the title. But I also think that Hollywood would miss the point of the series.

Yes, it is set in a world when the undead are real and humans are fighting for survival, but in the end, it’s really about the people and their relationships with one another. And I don’t know how well that could be portrayed in a two hour movie.

2. Preacher

There are so many great things about Preacher that could potentially be ruined if it made the leap to the big screen. First off, casting. I’m having a hard time thinking of any actor who would make a good Jesse Custer. Or Cassidy. Or Herr Star for that matter.

Also, unless it was given to a very brave director, I’m 100% sure that the books content would be toned down.

A big part of Preacher’s appeal lies in the way it contrasts extreme violence and sex with religious imagery. It just wouldn’t be the same without it. Plus, what would the "word of God" actually sound like?

1. The Watchmen

Even if Alan Moore’s work didn’t have such a poor track record when it comes to film adaptations, I’d still be worried for The Watchmen.

Possibly the greatest work the medium has ever seen, The Watchmen uses the creative strengths that comic books have to offer, and utilizes them in a way that could not be reproduced on screen. And, like The Walking Dead, I would be very cautious of Hollywood missing the point.

The Watchmen is not a super-hero story in the typical sense, but instead the story of how people live the life of a super-hero. All this being said, I thought Hellboy would make a terrible movie and was very wrong, so you never know.

But I was very, very right about Iron Man.

Ever wonder what your favorite super-heroes like to do to kick-back and relax? Well so did we, so we caught up with a couple of the biggest names in the crime-fighting industry to find out what they like to play, read, watch, and listen to.

Hellboy

It’s no secret that the world’s foremost paranormal investigator has a affection for cats, but in reality, he actually loves all furry mammals.

So much so, in fact, that in addition to his regular stable of gadgets, weapons, and talismans, HB is never seen without his Nintendo DS and a copy of Nintendogs.

We hear that his virtual Chihuahua, Trevor, gets walked three times a day.

Batman

Most people would think that Bruce Wayne leads somewhat of an enviable life. With more money then most people could imagine and more gadgets then James Bond and Inspector Gadget combined, he’s the ultimate bad ass.

But being surrounded by other heroes, each of whom have a unique special power, has made the Dark Knight slightly envious of his peers. And how does he escape?

Well, most people would be surprised to learn that Batman is in fact a Potter freak.

Wayne has read every Harry Potter book and watched every movie several times, and is lamenting the day when The Deathly Hallows comes to the big screen, because it means that it will all be over.

Superman

What kind of entertainment does someone
who’s trying to fit in enjoy?

Well, whatever is most "normal" of course.

The Man of Steel makes his entertainment
picks by looking at the top of the charts, and
as such is a big fan of American Idol,
Justin Timberlake, and Halo 3.

Professor Xavier

The Prof is an intellectual at heart, but after all the thinking he does during the day, he enjoys kicking back by watching some TV.

A lover of all things sci-fi, Xavier’s absolute favorite is the original Star Trek.

He says that Captain Kirk is one of his heroes, but he’s not so sure about that Picard fellow.

The Incredible Hulk

A rather aggressive chap, the Hulk is known far and wide for his unmatched strength and incredible temper.

But all of the stress isn’t good for the body or mind, so when the Hulk gets some down time, he likes to relax.

Jack Johnson and Snow Patrol are in constant rotation on the Green Goliath’s iPod, while the surreal flOw gets a lot of play on his PlayStation 3.

Mr. Incredible

The responsibilities of family life have drastically changed what Mr. Incredible gets to kick back to. These days he’s forced to stick to more kid-friendly fare.

The Incredibles love to gather ‘round the living room, and play marathon sessions on their shiny new Wii.

He also says they’re really looking forward to seeing that new, Wall-E movie this summer. But when the kids and wife are a sleep, he breaks out Grand Theft Auto IV and lets loose on the poor citizens of Liberty City.

Image Courtesy Big Comic Book Data-Base

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Ever wonder what your favorite super-heroes like to do to kick-back and relax? Well so did we, so we caught up with a couple of the biggest names in the crime-fighting industry to find out what they like to play, read, watch, and listen to.

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Today is a big day, as the creators of the internet’s biggest webcomic — which just so happens to be about videogames — are releasing their own game based in the world of Penny Arcade.



Penny Arcade Adventures: On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness, Episode One (longest title ever!) is now available to download via Greenhouse for Windows, Mac, and Linux users, and via Xbox Live Arcade for 360 gamers, for US$19.95 or 1600 Microsoft points.



Set in a Victorian, steam-punk version of the PA universe, in a town called New Arcadia, OTRSPOD (longest acronym ever!) lets players create there own character and play alongside Gabe and Tycho as they solve mysteries through their Startling Developments detective agency. The game is a mash-up of different genres, blending traditional turn-based role-playing game elements (think Final Fantasy, Dragon Quest), with classic point-and-click adventure games (think the Sam & Max and Monkey Island series’).



The best part of the game — of course, aside from the amazing art of Mike Krahulik and ingenius writing of Jerry Holkins — is the Episode One at the end of the title. This is just the first in a series of episodic games that will be released periodically throughout the year, each continuing the story of the Startling Developments detective agency. What traditional games are to films, these games are to television.



If you want to get a primer as to what Penny Arcade Adventures is like, check out the Greenhouse site, which features a four-page comic set in the universe as well as a trailer for the game. Meanwhile, I’m going to get back to unraveling the mystery of the terrifying Fruit Fucker.

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