“With great power comes great responsibility.”

It also, apparently, comes with some serious anger management issues. Even though super-heroes have abilities that most of us can only dream about, it’s very rare to see one that is happy. Just because they can fly doesn’t mean they have to like it. In fact, most of the time, they seem to be even more angry then the general population. Maybe it’s the pressure of having to constantly save the world. Maybe it’s the strain of being an outcast from mainstream society. Or it could just be the pain of constantly wearing those skin-tight costumes. Whatever it is, there’s no denying it, super powered beings are an irritated bunch.

The quintessential example is, of course, The Incredible Hulk. I mean, come on. In order to become the powerful brute, Dr. Bruce Banner must get angry. Hulk angry, Hulk smash. Anyone whose special power necessitates getting pissed off is clearly unstable. And this isn’t just any regular guy, he’s a world renowned physicist for crying out loud. But there are many other, less obvious, examples besides Banner’s infuriated alter-ego.

Just look at possibly the most popular of all the X-Men, Wolverine, a guy who will never turn down a fight. Actually, he’s normally the one starting it. Hellboy sure enjoys using that Right Hand of Doom to pummel evil mythological creatures. The only reason that Batman exists is for revenge. Same goes for The Punisher. In fact, even traditional do-gooders like Super-Man, while not furious, are at least not happy. Come on, when was the last time you actually saw the Man of Steel smile?

The counter to this, however, is that those rare few heroes who approach their jobs in a light-hearted fashion tend not to be the most responsible. Take The Human Torch, for example. The hot-headed Fantastic 4 member is reckless and this tends to get both him and his team mates in trouble. This helps give credence to the idea that super heroes should be angry. After all, it seems to help them out. If Star Wars has taught us anything, it’s that anger makes us stronger. Then again, that only worked for the bad guys, and they lost.  Nevermind.

So, while it may not be the same for everyone, whatever the reason, it seems to be working. Heroes may be mad, but they tend to be pretty good at their jobs. I haven’t been under the control of any kind of evil dictator or alien invasion, so they must be doing something right.

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Andrew Webster is a freelance writer based in Toronto who covers comics, movies, videogames, and anything else that will rot out your brain. Check out his personal site to read more of his incoherent ramblings.

Being a super-hero is a tough job. There’s the patrolling, the fighting, the mystery solving, the evil plan foiling. Basically, there is a whole lot to do. So it’s no wonder that so many heroes have a sidekick tagging along to give them a hand with all of the heavy lifting. The goal of these semi-heroes is to help in any way they can, without stealing the limelight from their mentor’s. But this isn’t as easy as it sounds, and being a sidekick is not for everyone.

The first important aspect of sidekicking is your look. You need to look tough, but not too tough. If you look too tough then people might start getting confused as to who is the real hero. Take Robin, for example. While Batman is all dark and threatening in his black ensemble, Robin looks bright and chipper in red and yellow. There’s no confusing who’s in charge there. With but a single glance onlookers know that Batman is here to save the day, while Robin is his back-up, just in case.

Keeping in line with this general demeanor, you also have to be careful about what you say. Do not, under any circumstances, use any bad-ass one liners. These are reserved solely for the purpose of the main hero who needs to sound threatening. You, on the other hand, are relegated to lame, nearly non-sensical catch phrases. Robin is infamous for his “Holy (insert terrible, terrible pun here) Batman!” exclamations, while Fallout Boy (no, not the band) loves to start sentences with “Giminy Gillickers.” This of course, only makes Radioactive Man look cooler. It’s like the sort-of pretty girl who hangs out with the ugly crowd: by comparison, she’s gorgeous.

Now you may be saying to yourself, “Well this sucks. Why would I want to be a sidekick if it means I have to look and sound like a loser?” Good question. There are two main reasons why you would want to subject yourself to such humiliation. The first, is the element of surprise. By becoming a joke of a hero, you eliminate much of the threat that super-villains feel. Because of this, they will be much less suspecting when you eventually smack ‘em in the face with a car battery. Who’s the sidekick now! …Ahem, anyways. The other reason is, of course, the pursuit of justice. It may not be fun, but being a sidekick means you get to make the world a better place, one bad pun at a time. You get to learn from the best, and fight all kinds of evil.

Just don’t expect any respect in the process.

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Andrew Webster is a freelance writer based in Toronto who covers comics, movies, videogames, and anything else that will rot out your brain. Check out his personal site to read more of his incoherent ramblings.